


Sweet Fascination

by monstermetaphor



Series: nemesis of normal [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: F/F, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Nightmares, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:07:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24226327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monstermetaphor/pseuds/monstermetaphor
Summary: After living as Natalie Shields for so long, Renee Walker is finally allowed to have a normal life. She has her adoptive mother and a church and a high school, even an exy team. But she can’t help feeling as if beneath the cross necklace and rainbow hair, she is wrong the same ways Natalie was.
Relationships: Renee Walker (All For The Game)/Original Female Character(s), Renee Walker/Danielle "Dan" Wilds
Series: nemesis of normal [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748656
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Sweet Fascination

**Author's Note:**

> title is the name of the single “Sweet Fascination” by Ladyhawke

Renee’s high school experience had been alright. Which meant that while it had happened, she’d thought it was amazing. It was the first time in her life she was allowed to worry about simple things such as school and homework and exy. More than that, it was the first time she’d been allowed to be bored. Not numb, not faking ease before striking. Instead she was doing things like braiding her hair, baking sugar cookies with Stephanie, playing exy. She enjoyed the game a lot, it was violent but in a way that fit into the life she was choosing now. Her position as goalkeeper meant that she was right near that violence, and could protect herself without giving in to urges to hurt or be hurt. 

She’d told Stephanie as much, a test to see if it would disturb her enough to try and send her back to jail, or put her in foster care. But she’d smiled and told Renee that it was good she was finding healthy coping tools, and that she was proud of her. Sometimes she still woke in the middle of the night, gasping and terrified, but with dry eyes. Sometimes she took out her butterfly knives to hold, or even keep one or two on her for a day before she was something like okay. Most of the time though, she was just Renee Walker, a regular teenaged girl. 

There was another aspect to this new “normal” that she wasn’t entirely sure about. Renee was considered altogether like able at her new school. She was wary of forming too many friendships or attachment, at least for now. It wasn’t like she had much of high school left to make friends, she told herself. There wasn’t any point. A lot of people tried approaching her to hang out, but she steered them away with polite smiles and words and even some biblical talk, since it made many assume she was boring. She couldn’t help but feel like this image she’d curated of pure, sweet Renee would crumble the moment she let someone her own age get close.   
That Natalie would come spilling out like a particularly bloody yolk. 

Renee had been playing Exy for her high school team for a few months, and had even been in a couple of games. This one however, was different. Her school was facing off against the rival school in the district, and people here took that sort of thing seriously. Her teammates, and even the other sports teams and kids her class seemed to be brimming with aggression and excitement. Practices were getting more and more rigorous, which Renee didn’t mind. There were also a lot of insults being hurled around at the other team, particularly their Captain. Sometimes this also didn’t bother Renee, but a few times they became particularly nasty. Specifically, a couple of the boys on the team were talking about how “Danielle” was “not only a bitch, but a prostitute as well, quite the multitasker”. This was said by Anthony, one of the strikers, as he lobbed a ball at Renee in the goal. She sent it straight into his stomach, with such force that he fell flat almost a foot away. 

“Oh, Anthony!” she cried, running to check on him. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” 

Anthony schooled his face into neutrality. “You didn’t, sweetheart. Just be careful next time.”

Renee turned her face so only he could see it, allowing the concern in her expression to morph into something colder. Her dark eyes glittered like the edge of a knife, and her rose lip balm tinted mouth curved in a way that bared her teeth. “Gladly. As long as you put more effort into beating the other team fair and square and less into being a sexist pig. Then I may not be as careful as I just was.” 

Anthony’s face was white as a sheet. “Um... okay?”

She smiled the wide, closed mouth smile that her teammates were used to seeing, then said loudly. “Happy to here it Anthony. Do you want to rest off to the side for a bit? You can absolutely have my water, I can’t apologize enough for being such a clutz!” 

~

The night of the game, Renee wasn’t feeling well at all. She felt a little ill as she recalled how easy it had been to slip back into Natalie, even for those few moments. Thank god no one on her team had noticed, and Anthony was too afraid to do anything. The one person who seemed to notice her anxiety was Jazz. Jasmine Wong was the closest thing to a friend Renee had, and that was mostly because they got grouped together so much. The reasons for that were transparent: they were the only Asian girls on the team, and so the rest either mixed them up or seemed to think they were sisters. For some reason the latter was a lot more bothersome to Renee than the former. There was nothing sisterly about the butterflies in her stomach when Jazz smiled at her across the cafeteria, or the jolt in her stomach taking in the other girls muscled calf’s and thighs on their warm up runs. 

The game itself passed in a blur. Their team one by a hair, and there was intermingling and refreshments afterwards. Renee found herself being introduced to Dan by their own captain, Shawn. The girl seemed annoyed by Renee’s unwillingness to insult her, which she personally found sad. Dan had played very well, and was clearly a good leader, it just didn’t seem like her teammates respected her enough to listen. She was also beautiful. Renee found herself distracted several times from the words the other girl was saying by her long eyelashes, or the way her red uniform set off glowing dark skin. She ended up smiling and nodding unnecessarily far more than she was sure seemed natural, and Dan eventually made a sound of disgust and left, oblivious to her thoughts. 

Jazz teased her about being a new rival of Danielle’s. Renee was confused, but decided it was fine that people thought that. She knew she had to talk to Stephanie about some things, but that could wait.


End file.
